What the Lobster Taught Me About Growth

What the Lobster Taught Me About Growth

What the Lobster Taught Me About Growth

Someone very wise told me the story of the Lobster the other day, and it resonated in THAT way. The delightful metaphorical tidbit way- one that triggers a deep thinker’s rabbit hole journey fuelled by hyper-focus. 

 

Thoughts? There were a few, so if you fancy a little trip with me, read on…

Lobsters grow, and they outgrow their shell. The shell is rigid, and as the lobster’s body expands, the shell becomes a constricting cage, causing pressure and discomfort. 

So, our dear lobster undergoes a transformation, and the moulting process begins. There’s no tidy version of this. The shell cracks; they wriggle out, soft and defenceless, until a new shell forms and hardens around them. Scientists believe it is a painful process. 

But here’s the thing, that shell is armour. Protection. It’s the barrier that’s kept them alive. Molting is dangerous. Without a shell, they are vulnerable. During that time, they don’t go about their business. They don’t carry on as usual. They tuck themselves away, vanishing under rocks, into crevices, away from threat. 

This part gave me pause. 

Because when I’m in a season of change, a real one, the slow kind or the painful kind, I expect myself to keep going. To stay visible. To explain myself. To be productive while I’m vulnerable. I don’t always protect my energy. Sometimes, I wear a makeshift shell, one that camouflages perfectly into the background of the day-to-day. What can I say? I’m a work in progress. 

Maybe you’re in one of those chapters of your life story now; the soft, the in-between or uncertain. Maybe your old life got too tight. Or maybe your life cracked open, and now there’s space you don’t know how to fill. 

Just like the lobster, humans go it alone a lot of the time. I think we are conditioned to do this in many ways. Let’s be real; the solo journey is one we all undertake at some point: the dark night of the soul, the forty days in the desert. Our Eat Pray Love seasons. Our rediscovery or healing time. But we’re not wired to stay that way forever. 

We are wired for closeness. Evolution taught us that to survive, we need each other not just in joy but in fragility. So, while we might long for stillness and solitude, we’re not built to disappear completely or for all times of hardship. Which means our version of hiding can look a little different.

Well, that wasn’t enough for my noggin. What do other species do in times of trouble or growth?

How do they protect what matters? I did some research, with David Attenborough’s dulcet tones to keep me company. My belief was reinforced: nature carries its own profound wisdom. 

Elephants, for example, form a circle around the mother when she’s giving birth. They literally shield her with their bodies. And afterwards, they stay nearby. They hold that space fiercely.

Gorillas hold the space. If one is grieving, others will sit close. They’ll groom gently, stay nearby, and make themselves known. As if to say: You don’t have to do anything. I’ll be here anyway.

Elephants and what Lobsters taught me about growth
Dolphins and what Lobsters Taught me about growth.

Dolphins are one of the most striking examples of this in the wild.

If a dolphin is injured, sick, and unable to swim or surface properly, others in the pod will surround it.

They take turns swimming beneath the dolphin, lifting it gently to the surface so it can breathe. They do this for hours, even days, whatever time is needed. They don’t abandon the slow or weak; they hold them up, literally, until they can manage on their own. 

How utterly heart sparkly is that? I loved Dolphins before, but now they hold a new kind of magic. 



 

Meerkats offer another kind of care, living in tight-knit groups; they survive by working together. 

One meerkat will always stand guard. It climbs to a high point and keeps watch while the others forage, rest, or tend to their young. If it spots danger, it sounds the alarm, and the whole mob scatters to safety. That sentinel role rotates. No one is always on duty, and no one is allowed to go without rest. They take turns keeping each other safe. Family is survival. 

Just like the lobster, the bear often goes it alone. Hibernation is in solitude, except for Mammas and cubs. Their bodies shut down what isn’t needed so energy can go where it’s most essential. They don’t socialise, they don’t forage. It’s a full retreat. 

There’s wisdom in all of it.

Some seasons require solitude. Others ask for trust, the kind that feels like someone is closely guarding you while you figure things out or lifting the load a little. 

Meerkats and what Lobsters Taught me about growth.

Sometimes, we might need to trust someone to see us without our shells because being fragile is okay. Or perhaps being gentle with ourselves while our new shell grows is a kind act. 

To know when to reach for connection and when to let your nervous system be held by silence, earth, and time. The delicate space between being alone and feeling abandoned is nuanced. 

Because the truth is, our growth journeys aren’t the same. The shape of your becoming will be different from mine. Some of us need stillness. Some need movement. Some need to be held, while others need to disappear and come back only when the new shell is ready.

That paradox is where we live.

The dolphin lifts.

The meerkat watches.

The bear rests.

The gorilla stays close.

The elephant surrounds.

Isn’t that something? 

If our life, our experience, is getting uncomfortable, are we being called to grow? Nature tells us yes. 

What will this new version of us look like?

I must admit the idea of going and hiding under a rock appeals to my hermit side more than a little. What about you? 

“Connection with each other, while we walk our own path, is as important as our state of being… The two cannot be separated but must be parallel and singular. The paradox is the balance of the two.”Vignettes of the Possibly Dying. 

PS- To P, thank you always for your wisdom, humour and warmth. 

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We acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we work, the Kulin peoples. We pay our respect to elders past present and emerging, we acknowledge and and all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders. The land we on which we live, breathe, work, eat and sleep always was and always will be Aboriginal land. KB Eliza supports the

 ULURU STATEMENT FROM THE HEART.

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The Battle At Trauma Glen

The Battle At Trauma Glen

The Battle At Trauma Glen

There is nothing quite like the use of metaphor to really set a scene, and the monster battle trope felt right with this essay. This is an excerpt from Vignettes of The Possibly Dying. I hope you enjoy. 

She ties the sash of red around her waist; the tassels are like the last strands of faith hanging at her hip along with her Grand- mother’s voice.

A pouch is tied to her belt. Her heart is beating fast. The task before her is crushing. She pushes through the bracken and branches the soft murky ground sponges beneath her feet. Finally, the branches thin out, and she can see the cabin clearly in front of her. 

HER EYES SCAN ACROSS THE FAMILIAR TRIMMED HEDGE, SUNLIGHT dusting small beams through the leafy branches. The milky yellow porch posts and the duck blue window frames remain picture-perfect; the large french doors are darkened by overhanging ivy and jasmine. The glossy white weatherboard cladding contrasts with the brass frog door knocker; its mouth is stretched too wide with the hammer in the shape of a distended tongue resting on the Lilypad struck plate. 

Her stomach acid turns cold and rises in her throat. She takes a deep breath, and as she exhales, her breath turns to fog. The skin on her arms prickles. She glances over her shoulder, and her long dark curly hair is damp now from sweat. The muscles next to her lip twitch on one side as she raises a flat palm to touch her thumb to her forehead then brings it down to her heart. She is ready. 

SHE STEPS UP ON THE PORCH BOARDS, AND THE LACK OF NOISE IS jarring. She holds the door handle, and the cool of the metal adds to the chill. The door swings open silently, not even a groan. She feels like she is walking through a hole in a nest. 

SHE WALKS INSIDE AND WAITS, LEAVING THE DOOR AJAR. SHE KNOWS HE will arrive soon. 

Malevolence incarnate; gnashing and snarling, a malignant beast with trauma dripping from its teeth like an ooze, storms through the doorway. 

WELCOME, SHE SAYS, HER FISTS DARING TO TAKE HIM DOWN AND SCREAM her rage, but she knows it will infuse into her skin. She resists with all her might. It is time. Her nostrils flare, and her hands clench. 

He whispers to her in a scratchy husky voice.

My little effete, tender and sickly one, abandoned again? Discarded like a tissue, pathetic ruination. I can’t believe you’ve come back for more! What a time we will have you and me. 

Burden! He screams at her. The weight of his quip tears at her; she skitters backwards. 

Broken! 

He spits and snarls the words, the force throwing her against the bench and onto the ground. 

She crawls in agony from the whips of his words to the bench.

He stands over her and the stench of him makes her want to reach.

No one wants you. 

Your father didn’t want you. 

Your family didn’t want you. 

Your friends don’t want you. 

Interloper! He bellowed. 

You will not make old bones.

You are scarred. 

Who are you fooling?

Who do you think you are?

What a joke. They feel sorry for you, you wretched girl.

He opens the drawer and pulls a long leather belt, worn and torn. 

He slaps it against his thigh, and it makes a thwack sound. 

Do you think you are special? 

Do you believe what you saw was real? 

It’s all in that piteous woeful head. He growls. 

She flinches, a small split tears her lip and blood flows. 

You are unloved and craving like a dirty little beggar. thwack 

You will break. Pity pity pity. thwack

Do you remember what you once were? He bawled. 

The words are drilling down, down and down into her stomach, nails in her gut; she ignores the pain. 

She pulls herself up to the bench; her bloodied lip feels ripped open like an old tent door in a storm. She grabs the cup. She touches her heart and holds her hand over the cup, and tiny pink tendrils run from her fingertips into the tea, and it steeps. 

You are loved, she says softly to the liquid. 

You are forgiven, she urges in a forced whisper. Her tears fall, and her head feels squeezed like a rung towel. 

He whimpers and jumps back; all of the pottery shakes in the cabinets, teacups and beer mugs clink. 

Come, she says kindly. She places the small cup on the table. 

He tilts his head and looks at her, dropping the belt to the ground. 

Come, she says again. 

He doesn’t object and begrudgingly staggers like a drunkard; he sits at the table, his bursting hairy body barely fitting. He scratches at an invisible itch and reaches for the cup, so dainty in his gristly hand. He sips the sweet drink, a sly eye upon the woman, his bruised and black drooped eyelids closing slowly. He yawns. He hiccups, the cup drops. 

Have you poisoned me? He asks in a small voice. 

With snapping and squeaking sounds, he yelps and starts to shrink quickly. Golden rays burst from his fur like sunbeams, and his ugliness and body crumble like old cellophane disintegrating, smaller and smaller. He is as tiny as a baby bird. She swiftly picks him up, placing him in the palm of her hand. He is captured—a warm little ball of fluff and scales. 

SHE WHISPERS HER SECOND PRAYER OF GRACE, SHE BLOWS A SWEET breath upon his scaly body. He closes in on himself, his little body spinning and turning. She sings the song. 

Very slowly, a wing unfurls from his furry body. His dark muck glitters and shivers into a shimmering band of light. Another wing unwraps, and the summer hue of yellow glints around its tiny body. The elytra reflect light around the room, the same colour as the green of the scribe’s eyes. 

He opens an eye in surprise. The little wings start to flap and twirl. He folds in on himself, edges form, and angles jut out. He disappears, and in his place sits a large diamond. She places the diamond in the pouch on her hip. A bird sings, how sweet the sound is. 

THERE IS NO NEED TO RETURN HERE. SHE UNDERSTANDS THIS NOW. NO longer a prisoner, she walks into the night.

Schedule an Event

media@kbeliza.com

We acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we work, the Kulin peoples. We pay our respect to elders past present and emerging, we acknowledge and and all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders. The land we on which we live, breathe, work, eat and sleep always was and always will be Aboriginal land. KB Eliza supports the

 ULURU STATEMENT FROM THE HEART.

Contact Author

media@kbeliza.com